Lost and Found
There is an old saying ‘lost and found, lost and found man’ which connects some-what to a hippy transcendental, drug induced journey to there and back again.
But sometimes we need a little bit of help on the return journey.
Sometimes we get well and truly lost and confused.
At that point it is too tempting to feel something is wrong with you, and all the bleating negative voices start bellowing in your head, ‘you fool’, ‘you idiot’, ‘useless’, ‘no good’. You know, we’ve heard them all before. The voices that just love to keep us down. Keep us in our place. Better staying in the shit you know, than growing into the unknown. Because the unknown is bound to be just as shit, so what’s the point!
But if the unknown is unknown, how do you know it is going to be just as shit? Well, I just know.
There are, of course, other ways of looking at things. Another way of looking at life.
Rather than focussing on our toxic emotions and fears, we could ask ourselves better questions that offer potential new responses, choices and empowerment. But, hey, that is scary stuff. Do we really want empowerment? Doesn’t that imply taking responsibility for our own choices, our own actions, our own emotions and fears? Hell, yes!
Oh, right. Well, lets not bother then.
Or, we could ask ourselves, ‘where will I be in 10 years time, if I keep on living my life as I’m currently living it?’
Instead of thinking something is wrong with us, and wallowing in those toxic emotions, we could decide (actively choose / take responsibility) to stop for a bit. Slow down. Take a breathe.
Ask the question, ‘what do I really want?’
But the chances are, we haven’t a clue what we want – not really – hence our lostness in the first place. All we know is we feel lost, confused, in turmoil… and maybe even a little bit hurt (and some people may even be a BIG bit hurt).
There is a great saying I was introduced to by Kain Ramsey, ‘Hurt people, hurt people.’ Often we don’t want to admit to this. But lets be honest, if we are not feeling a sense of peace and tranquillity we have probably experienced some form of hurt and are still hurting from it. So accept it. Be OK with not being OK. Accept your imperfections. We are all imperfect. In fact, we are all perfectly imperfect.
Get comfortable with that. It is the first step in getting comfortable with being uncomfortable in general. For once we are comfortable with being uncomfortable in general we can start to push the boundaries and find our route back on our journey from here to there. We can then begin to find out just who we are willing to become.
Where we focus, our energy goes. If we focus on those toxic emotions, we will have toxic emotions. Hurt people, hurt people.
If we want to progress beyond this we need to start shifting our focus. And yes, that does mean taking responsibility for our own lives.
If we start by asking our-self, ‘who am I?’ we will probably collapse back into being lost.
Ask instead, ‘who am I willing to become?’
Shift your focus. Then take responsibility. Shift from a passive willingness, to an active commitment.
Ask, ‘who am I committed to being?’ this will then help you define ‘what am I committed to being?’
From here we can then ask questions, such as:
‘What do I need to shift in order to better express who I am?’
This flips our warped cultural thinking, of human doing, ie, where my self-worth is derived from what I do and how well I do it, to a more positive and productive, human being.
who am I + how I express who I am = what I do
Bringing it all together
We need to develop better habits as human beings. The first being to stop seeing ourselves as human doings. Once we do this our potentialities become clearer and our self-worth becomes attached to the fundamentals of who we are. Becoming human is the journey back from lost to found. It is a journey well worth making.
|Order my book DISCover the Power of You: How to Cultivate Change for Positive and Productive Cultures published through John Hunt Publishing Ltd. ISBN: 978-1-78535-591-2 “This book leads you through a powerful journey of self-discovery, one that shows you the importance of self-awareness, how to create a culture where staff can perform at the highest level and more importantly a culture where staff feel rewarded, and empowered to make a difference.”
Andrew Green, Executive Principal, Chichester College.
See https://www.robertadams.uk.com/ for my free Transformational Workbook which can be used for self-development or team development.